Life of Crime???


With graduate jobs closing up all around us, unemployment at an all time high and the worst recession in nearly 70 years almost certain to keep getting worse… has anyone considered taking up a life of crime?

Consider - the rewards are good (as long as you don’t get caught…), the benefits are many (sex, drugs, rock ‘n’ roll, and that intangible approbation, respek) and the downsides few - what with the public purse strained and local governments losing millions in IceSave, there’s basically no chance of getting caught…

…especially, if you’re a clever, go-getting, ambitious young graduate. Captain of the Rugby team? Whilst, in more beneficent years, those leadership skills could pip you a cushy City job, these days, why not become a bouncer and take over a local drugs racket? Accountancy major? Money laundering, tax evasion, identity fraud all offer lucrative, secure graduate opportunities. And for those economics graduates? Well, there still are some jobs in Structured Debt (thank you Blythe Masters!)… so everyone has a chance of pursuing a fulfilling life of crime!


Probably quite a lot of early career autonomy too.


get to choose your own hours too…


wonder what kind of competencies you would need to demonstrate…


Much more fun than being a pen-pushing accountant too, I should think!


Is there an online application? …when’s the application deadline?!


Can I join your criminal organisation then Lex? I too hate Superman (and my mate Big Dave’s willing to give you special rates per kilo of Kryptonite).


is there an employee pension scheme and gym membership?


They are gonna make you fit by punbching and kicking so yeah, there is definitely a gym membership.